Imagine a world where you depend less on the information of others, for most everything you read in a book or on the internet is simply someone else's opinion or experience of God... true for them. Instead, drop in and connect to your own truth. What is true for another isn't necessarily true for you. You have a direct connection to tap, and it's within.
I am 38 (yay) and childless. When I scroll through my feeds, all I see are your children, and the reminder has become increasingly difficult. There was a time when your little ones brought me joy, and surely they will again, but for now and for the most part, they painfully tug at my heart strings.
Universe: "Hayley, you are suffering from amnesia and you forget that you are here on a mission. If you had a child at this moment you would do nothing but play, and the mission would fail.”
You know what, Universe? THANK YOU. I’m going to travel the world, spread Love, heal people, and dance my butt off. Fuck it! I may even buy a motorcycle. You know why? Cause I CAN!
Note to friends who’ve felt my distance: I love you, your husbands AND your children. It’s not that I’ve moved on from our Love, that never dies, it’s that I’m struggling with how to connect with you as I continue to uncover my non-traditional destiny.
Still letting go/flowing/trusting,
WHAT I LEARNED THIS WEEK...
WHAT WOULD THE REAL YOU DO?
We constantly seek advice to our problems outside of ourselves. We ask friends, books, tv, and gurus for the answers we already know. Your mind and personality won't have them… you're Higher Self will. This the coolest, raddest part of yourself that has access to a higher perspective and all the information in the Universe. How exactly does one connect? My favorite ways are meditation, prayer and muscle-testing. More on this soon.
GROUNDING WHILE TRAVELING
As I began my nomadic journey, a wise friend offered me some advice about staying grounded: 1) travel with a mini alter. 2) When you arrive at your temporary destination, find a tree and kindly ask it go hold your grounding cord. If a short stay, let it know when to release you. If longer, go back at the end of your trip and show it some respect and thanks!
STAY AWAY FROM COMPLAINERS
I have developed a zero-tolerance policy for people who complain. It's like nails on a chalkboard. What in the fuck do you have to complain about?? You're alive, silly! Just stop it. Immediately. It does nothing nothing nothing except bring you more of that which you're complaining about. Try a new thought, see what happens.
BEING PUSHED TO THE EDGE
Spirit is pushing me HARD into unchartered territory. Here's a visual of the feeling: I'm standing at a ledge, mustering the courage to dive into the unknown. I look left, right and back for more options, but I see nothing but more ledges… left with no choice but to jump. My truest and most rewarding experience of faith to date.
TREAT FEARS LIKE TOYS
Fears are not real. They were created in your imagination by something you think did or will happen, neither of which are true. Treat them as untruths, and play with that part of yourself as you would with a child afraid of the boogieman. You'll see fears for what they are, and have fun overcoming them.
SEE FROM ANOTHER'S PERSPECTIVE
You've heard this, but next time you're in a disagreement, try taking a moment to imagine being the other person. Get in their mind, and truly ask why and where they're coming from. You actually HAVE the ability to do so on the energetic plane because we are all one.
IT HURTS WHEN YOU FIND OUT A FRIEND SUCKS
It really does. It's ok, you're probably just not resonating at the same frequency anymore. The Universe TRIED telling you through multiple warning signs, and you chose not to listen. So, they made them do something you deem as super sucky to force you to move on.
THE DEVIL WHISPERED IN MY EAR, "YOU'RE NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO WITHSTAND THE STORM." TODAY I WHISPERED IN THE DEVIL'S EAR, 'I AM THE STORM."
Favorite quote of the week.
People often ask what the deal with my love for #Jesus is about. Well, it's a few things: 1) He was the #original #rebel. He stood for the truth, and even died for it. 2) His message was Love. That was it. #LOVE. 2000 years later we're only just getting it. Talk about being ahead of his time! 3) He had his ego in check. He knew he was no better than anyone else, and repeatedly reminded everyone that they TOO were children of God. 4) Then this dude straight ROSE from the dead. I mean.... 5) He was super #hot!
Announcement: I will make this art car!!! Imagine it... a rainbow arc of happiness... Cloud bean bags to lounge, a sage furnace that lets off cleansing smoke everywhere we go, and of course, a pot of chocolate gold coins!
It plays binaural beats and chakra frequencies, as well as the world's hottest and most talented lady DJs. At night, colorful lasers shoot will out its crown so that you (and the aliens) can always find us!
Best of all, my beautiful crew of women will be dressed in rainbow gowns and trained in Calibration healing. We'll pop out where needed and start straight healing the dark outta people... especially sunrises at Robot Heart and Mayan Warrior!! :)
This idea came a year ago and begs to be born. It shall be funded by my crypto earnings, so please say a prayer with me that the markets rise in time for BM 18!!
WHAT I LEARNED THIS WEEK...
GRATITUDE IS THE FOOD OF SPIRIT
Gratitude gets your Guides off. The more grateful you are, the more they assist you. Wake up and name 5 things you’re grateful for. It will change your life. Also, check out the 5 minute journal app as a tool!
STOP MAKING PLANS
Plans keep falling through. Make a plan, God laughs. Here’s a little heads up on the ‘Path of Flow’: you’re only given your NEXT step, and asked to trust. Planning anything beyond that is a waste of time and energy. Scary at first but it gets fun.
WRITE YOURSELF A LOVE POEM
Just do it, your soul will be so so so happy! We all long for love, so don’t wait for someone else to tell you! Tell yourself!! For another is only able to perceive what you already know to be true about yourself.
YOU ARE ALWAYS BEING PROTECTED
I’ve said this before, I’m saying it again: sometimes we can’t/are not meant to understand why something happened till even years later, but the reason is ALWAYS there, so spare yourself the disappointment and go straight to thanks.
THE MORE YOU CONTRIBUTE IN SERVICE...
The first question you should ask yourself is: Who am I helping? The more that the planet is positively impacted by your wishes, goals and desires, the more assistance you get from the magical unseen forces. Manifesting a shiny new sports car to entertain ego will only result in undesirable karma down the line.
YOU HAVE EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO BE HAPPY IN THE MOMENT
You, at this moment, have been given every single tool you could possibly need to be happy, loving and conscious. All you need to do is stop focusing on that which is not, and start searching for that which already is. I promise you, it’s right under your nose!
MISSING SOMETHING IS A SIGN OF ADDICTION
Missing, craving, and needing are all signs of emotional addiction. Look into them to know your next steps.
THE THINGS YOU SAY ‘F*CK IT’ TO
The things your keep putting off for another time, are the very obstacles that holds the key to your next evolutionary step. Delaying what you know is right for you just prolongs your suffering.
“DON’T EXPLAIN YOURSELF TO IDIOTS, YOU’RE NOT THE FUCKFACE WHISPERER”
Favorite quote of the week
I don’t regret leaving Venice. I still think it sucks and am happy to no longer be complaining about it.
I also don’t regret getting rid of my iPhone. It was shitty, and my Note8 isn’t… it’s awesome!
I don’t regret not getting married, all my exes would surely have ended in divorce. Nor do I regret not having children, I would have repeated my family’s pattern and not lived my own dream.
I have no regrets. Not one. Not even the time I accidentally killed that spider. He later thanked me.
WHAT I LEARNED LAST WEEK...
DELETE ANYONE WHO DOESN’T BRING YOU JOY
Don’t think twice, if you keep seeing someone in your feed that doesn’t make you feel GREAT, delete them. IMMEDIATELY. No matter the relationship! Your mental space is TOO precious to be constantly reminded of something unpleasant.
RELEASE ITEMS THAT DON’T BRING YOU JOY
Same deal, that stuff is taking up room in your consciousness. Let it go. I LOVE moving because it gives me a chance to evaluate what is NOW of importance to me. Feels so good to give it away, so that it can be cherished as treasure by another.
KAMBO IS NOOOOT FOR THE WEAK
Frog venom is not for the weak, oh no no no… it’s for the straight WARRIORS on this plane!!! I completed my third session in one lunar cycle, and let me tell you, that last one??… Boy! I thought that was it. Now, I am a super hero. If you’re called for a system reboot, and have the courage, DO IT!
(My mother cannot understand why I do these things to myself. The answer: I explore the unknown and the obscure, where most won’t dare yet go, to come back and share my findings with you.)
Not everyone has the courage to take big leaps all the time. If you’re one of them, consider taking a baby step in the direction of your desires. ANY amount of effort is clocked and rewarded by the spirits.
PRAY FOR YOUR FOOD TO RELEASE ITS KARMA
Elyaou Bialobos shared this belief with me and it rang as true: if something came back as a fruit/vegetable/animal/anything-alive-that-you-consume, the kindest thing you can do is to pray for it when you eat. For your prayers help to release it to its next karmic incarnation. I understand this may be too much for some, for others, REALLY hear this!
SPEND YOUR LIFE CURRENCY
Sandy Hill once told me that I had done plenty of work on myself, and that maybe it was time to stop and start “Spending my life currency.” I’ve been thinking about that a lot... could it be time to truly ENJOY myself?
FINE, MAYBE NOT COMPLETE
My bud Daniel Claussen disagreed with my last post about being complete before uniting in partnership, which got me thinking. Allow me to expand: the wish is that all my past issues be resolved so as not to project them onto a partner. Things will always come up to look at and heal, AND I would much rather be dealing with the present than the past.
BOTOX- ONE GOOD USE
I’ve been debating the pros and cons of Botox injections and I thought of one amazing use for it: TO STOP ME FROM FROWNING :))) Some also use it to stop smiling, but PLEASE don't do that, the world needs more smiles!
PS Drew this sketch on my Samsung note 8, can your iPhone do that!?!
Shortly after I arrived in Tulum* I went out to a big party, drank and did drugs, and haven’t felt the same since. A sense of heaviness, sadness, and darkness loom over me. For days I couldn’t understand what was happening.
Luckily, my flow made sure I ran into at least 5 shaman/friends who have all independently confirmed that I took on a dark entity that night. I was ‘too’ open and this left me a vulnerable target to the darkness that was present, both in spirit and human form.
I started feeling into this and connecting dots: I know dozens of people who’ve recently lost their shit on drugs, here and elsewhere. Perfectly sane people getting high and putting themselves in dangerous positions or even attempting to take their own lives. Happy people, with no prior suicidal thoughts.
The common denominator is mainly acid, but also the many many designer hallucinogenics being created in labs. Most people are not consciously evolved enough yet (nor are the chemists) to open the portals to these other dimensions and even those who are risk their sanity each time they journey.
Stick to the natural, more grounding alternatives. Better yet, let us learn to get high on our own breathe, movement and sexual practices… as we were designed to. The idea that we need anything outside of ourselves is an illusion.
I’m getting the very clear message to share this with you (and myself).
This appears to be yet another way that humanity is trying to take itself out.
The pain is too much sometimes and we’re looking for exists.
Let’s not. Let’s stay.
Worried for Humanity,
PS One thing I found that was helpful was this MP3. Thank you, new friend Sandy!
WHAT I LEARNED THIS WEEK...
-THE PURPOSE OF RELATIONSHIP
I finally understand that a relationship is not about my needs and what I can get from another, but what I have to GIVE. What do I have to contribute to another? How can I be in service to another’s development? This includes our children, friendships or romantic relationships.
-I NEED MEN
Thought I didn’t need men, but alas I do. I love men and I need them.
Men are the best!
-HEAL THE MEN
(Again) This moment in history is NOT about healing the feminine. IT IS ABOUT HEALING THE MASCULINE. A man who was raised by a supportive family/society would never underpay, disrespect or abuse a woman.
Forgive. Absolutely. Everyone. Especially yourself. Grudges are 100% useless. Shame is 1000% useless. You are perfect. You are exactly where you're supposed to be. So is everyone else.
-IT SEEMS PEOPLE ARE DEEPLY ATTACHED TO MANIFESTING
Apparently I triggered some of my friends when I wrote that manifesting is black magic. If this is you, please consider the following guidelines:
1) Stick to Ultimate Goals, birthrights and desired feelings. Love, Joy, Health, Abundance, Fulfillment, etc. Don’t limit yourself with the details of how… leave those to God!
2) Pray for others, THEN pray for yourself, IN THAT ORDER! Giving is receiving, the more you give to others, the more comes back. Praying for yourself only creates a loop.
3) There is a Universal Principle which states that when you ask for something, it’s opposite will show up first. This is for two reasons: so you might appreciate what you asked for more deeply by its contrast; and so that you are given the choice to CHOOSE that which you asked for.
-MY FLOW IS YOUR FLOW
Flow is flow, it’s mine and it’s yours. If I cancel plans, or things don't pan out how you'd hoped, know that something WAY better awaits. Consider skipping disappointment and going straight to finding what magical thing The Universe has in store for you.
-HAPPINESS COMES FROM CHALLENGE
It has been scientifically proven that challenge is directly correlated to happiness levels. The happiest people in the world challenge, push themselves, and adventure into the unknown frequently.
-HAPPINESS FROM WITHIN
Nature is random and does not cater to your emotional needs, therefor it would be wise not to depend on outside forces for your happiness. It is far easier and efficient to cultivate unwavering joy from the inside. Strengthen this practice by being kind and peaceful in all situations, especially the difficult ones.
-BE THANKFUL FOR EVERYTHING
Each perceived challenge is an opportunity to bring you greater understanding of yourself. Don't waste time complaining, go straight to thanks! The hack of hacks: walk around thinking and saying "thank you!" all day every day.
-I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO SHARE WITH YOU
When I don't write and share vulnerable and truthful entries about my experience, my growth is stunted. When we share, we move forward. If one person is guided by something I write, then we win. No one will be left behind, I'm not going anywhere without you!
Here we go… yet another polarizing topic that I’m being called to share.
If you had told me this statement a week ago, I would have fought you to the end. I am a Capricorn, and my entire life has been based on setting goals, achieving them, then setting new goals. But when my dear friend recently re-minded me of this truth, I finally understood: there is a divine plan, and we often get in the way of it.
As I racked my brain to disprove him, I was shown a memory of the last man I dated: he was every single thing on my highly-edited ‘list’…. and he was terrifying. TERRIFYING. When we broke up, I feared for my life.
There is a karmic exchange for everything. #blackmagic
I thought to all the businesses I’d started, the friendships and relationships I had forced, the houses I’d bought out of sheer will... there was a consistent level of frustration, blocks inevitably presented, and I rarely felt the sense of achievement or peace I’d wished for.
Until last year.
2017 marked the beginning of a new journey and understanding of the flow state; for the first time I tasted what was possible. As 2018 approached, I asked to know FULL surrender. My three weeks since in Tulum have been 10 times more intense than any of my plant journeys. Why? Because my ego refused to surrender to the larger plan.
When Manech Ibar told me to surrender completely to God’s path and plan, I cried because I knew it was the truth. I knew that all my affirmations, lists, visualizations and manifestations were born from sheer will and a waste of time and energy. How insane to think that my limited perception could even TOUCH that of God’s.
Say yes when clear. Listen to the lovely voice that guides you, and ignore the destructive one. Learn to be comfortable in the in between. Take leaps of faith when called, ESPECIALLY when the support system seems invisible.
You won’t fall. You couldn’t. It’s just a dream.
Row row row my boat gently down the stream,
I AM UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
I am patient. I am kind. I am generous. I am in service. My love for myself and for others is without condition. I forgive all. I forgive myself for all. I Love my body. I am perfect as I am.
I AM CONTAGIOUSLY JOYFUL
The joy I feel is deep, unwavering and without condition. Each person that comes into contact with me or anything that I create or project feels this joy and in turn makes others feel joyful too… starting a chain reaction of joy throughout the world.
I AM DEEPLY FULFILLED
Each day when I wake and each night before I rest, I am filled with gratitude for having found my path and my purpose. I feel the flow of Source through me in everything I create.
I AM OPTIMALLY HEALTHY
I am full of light energy. All systems are firing at 100%. All my organs, my blood, my limbs, my skeletal structure, each atom I carry is filled with light. All dis-ease is released and grounded back to the Earth, thereby recycled into energy.
I AM HUGELY ABUNDANT
Everything I touch turns to gold. I receive more than I need and in turn share with others in need. My belly is full, my friends are numerous, my home is warm, my pockets are full. My money is spent in ways and places that positively impact healing for the planet.
I AM SACRED UNION (optional)
I am met by another soul in every way. I am fully seen and loved for exactly who I am by him/her because I fully see and love myself exactly as I am. Together we grow and reach new heights that otherwise I wouldn’t be able to experience alone. I am grateful for him/her. I am kind to him/her.
I am timeless. I am ageless. I am fearless. I am block-less. I am healed.
I am Love and I am Light. I am completely surrendered to flow.
All with ease and grace.
There is your personality, and then there is your soul. Your soul has its own flavor and essence, and it is likely very different than the one you are currently living. Your current attributes, idiosyncrasies, likes, dislikes, expressions and mannerisms are mostly the sum total of what you’ve collected and learned in this lifetime (others too).
For example, my personality in this life is headstrong, intense, stubborn, a know-it-all, impatient, fiery, self-centered, entrepreneurial, bossy, praise-seeking, needs to be seen and appreciated, driven, obsessed by time, just to name a few. The essence of my soul, which I’ve had the great pleasure of meeting a few times, is peaceful, funny, gentle, powerful, all-knowing, feminine, sexual, connected, trusting, faith-filled, light-beaming, patient, inspired, inspiring, and a creator of the highest order.
I can now clearly see that my next evolutionary step is to begin to shed the smallness of the personality, making way to reveal my truest and ultimate self.
How? We begin by paying attention. Get to know who your spirit actually is. What parts of you feel like deep truth? Take stock of your true essence and start making a conscious effort to operate and react more often from that place. When you speak, complain, make a comment or choice, stop and notice which part of you is doing so. At first just notice it. Later, try to catch yourself before making personality choices. The most rewarding choices and joyful decisions ultimately come from the soul.
Fear is Human. Spirt is Love.
Your soul has no fear.
When we operate from this ancient part of ourself, everything falls into place. When we get our personalities out of the way, life can flow with ease and with grace. Everything we’ve ever dreamed of and much much more can find its way to us…. and life is GOOD.
The mission is to evolve towards Love and Light. Luckily there is no other direction, it’s simply a matter of how efficiently we get there and whether or not we collectively choose to eradicate our species in the process, and start all over (again).
The mission is to bring ‘everyone’ forth. It would be like trying to bring only part of your body to a party, “No, I’d rather not take my WHOLE body, just my healthiest, prettiest, most evolved cells. The rest of my body can stay and fuck itself!”. NOOOO!!! Your whole body goes or there will be no party for you.
In much the same way, we who have the luxury of consciousness must be the ones to push forth our entire planet. We are all ‘one’… yes, an inconvenient truth. I know what some of you were thinking “I get to move onto the next dimension and leave everyone else behind, because THEY didn’t do the work,” (how very republican of you) but it doesn’t work that way! THERE IS NO SEPARATION between humans, animals, plants, insects, fish, or the entire planet itself.
We are ONE BEING, are we still not getting this?
You don’t get to pick and choose who is worthy of saving or helping. You empower and love every single person, plant and creature as you would yourself… and if you don’t currently empower and love yourself THEN PLEASE STOP EVERYTHING YOU’RE DOING AND START THERE.
We love we.
PS. If you like evolving efficiently, just WAIT till I launch my new healing modality the ‘Healer of Humans’… very very soon!
It’s becoming increasingly difficult for me to act ‘normal’. I have peered into other dimensions, witnessed miracles, experienced past lives, and met countless magical non-human beings. I’ve done so much work on myself that I’m a walking/talking self-help book section.
I’ve tried to maintain a foot in both worlds, as an ambassador to the unseen, but the collective choices we’re making here are so dark and gruesome. I will not watch the news (or TV), cities are becoming unbearable, emails feel like punishment, and 99.999% of the internet can fuck itself.
THIS is not my normal.
(Wait... is this BM decompression? :)
This is possibly one of the most intimate and important things I’ve written to date, and it’s taken me months to muster the courage to post. Sharing this story with you is a part of the practice.
Recently, I was ask to speak publicly three times over the course of a month and each was painfully difficult; I shook, thoughts refused to become words, and each ended in tears. A friend suggested this fear was a key to unlock my next greatest potential.
I meditated deeply on this, asking for guidance. Spirit showed me that humans were born equipped with a point on their bodies, from which all creation begins and ends. With the correct operational knowledge, truly anything is possible. It was suggested that next time I spoke, to gather and center all of that energy- the butterflies in my stomach, the disconnecting energy between my brain and throat, and anywhere else - and redirect it to that small point between my legs, my God-button… my beautiful little clitoris.
With nothing to loose, I gave it a try the next time I spoke. Before a room of 60 intelligent and curious people, the familiar fears began to rise and I felt waves of pleasure ebb and flow through my body as I redirected the fears all to that point. And immediately I felt a calm pass over me, for once my extremities weren’t shaking, and the room in front of me was laughing.. I looked out on these smiling faces and I felt joy. It, no I, was a success. I didn’t choke, I crushed, and I found speaking a joy for the first time in my life!
I have since been determined to understand and share this process. How to recreate that nervous/exciting energy? So far I’ve thought of three ways: 1) extreme sports such as skydiving and bungie jumping 2) falling in love, which cannot be forced and 3) choose to do the things we fear.
Once you add courage (and always a little faith for good measure) to the equation an alchemical process occurs, propelling you to your next stage in evolution, and gifting you great creative pleasure simultaneously!
Just when you think God's thought of it all. What an absolutely perfect design.
Fear + Courage = Pleasure
They are a shitty company that make shitty and expensive products that break on purpose. They’re also shitty humans who steal others’ technologies and then wreck them to court. They have shitty ethics, and evade billions in US taxes. There’s a reason none of my awesome tech friends up north have Apple products… because they know too much, and also that the Android is a FAR superior product.
I was willing to bury my head and pretend like all this was ok to keep my life synced and simple, until this last software update. Everyone was complaining about it, so I opted not to update. A couple weeks went by, then one day right after the unveiling of the new iPhones, mine simply stopped working. No calls could be made, no texts would go out, and from one minute to the next, my home button stopped working.
HERE’S where it got creepy: I called to ask T-Mobile why my phone wasn’t working, and as if on cue, the man offered to send me a new iPhone for $1/month. I told him I was seriously considering switching to Samsung and asked how much that phone would be. $900 he said. In that brief moment, the veil lifted and I could finally see the very very dark underbelly of this giant technological beast.
FUCK THAT. FUUUUUUCK THAAAAAAT!!!
What did I do?? I bit the bullet and paid $900…. For my freedom, integrity and peace of mind.
AND. THE. NOTEBOOK 8. IS. 1000. TIMES. BETTER. THAN. THE. IPHONE. for about 50 different reasons. To name just a few: the camera, the options, the apps, the layout, the shortcuts, the voice dictation, the stylus pen!!!!, the lower EMF radiation… Why is this? Because Samsung nearly went bankrupt in the recall, so they put all their technologies into one phone with the hopes of salvaging their company.
I’m not saying that Samsung is a saint, but they sure as hell are the less of two evils, and selling a waaay better product. My 2 cents.
Off the Koolaid,
Every woman wants to be deeply desired by her man, to be told how sexy she is, and how turned on by her you are. Literally, EVERY WOMAN. Don’t just think it, or try to communicate it telepathically, please SAY it to her!
Doing so ignites something sooo special within us. Being seen and adored brings out our very best and drives us to want to do everything for you!
Some simple advice from the inside.
Yay for relating,